Does Isha destroy families and relationships?

Many marriages have ended because of Isha. Many parents were distressed when their children left them for Isha. But is it fair to blame Isha for an individual’s personal decision? The answer is complicated. This article explores some aspects of it.

Typical scenarios

It often happens like this – people discover Sadhguru and get fascinated. They do Isha practices and find them very beneficial, even blissful. They start volunteering and find it very satisfying. They start dedicating a significant amount of their time to Isha and then frictions emerge in their relationships. 

• A spouse/partner who is sharing a life with this Isha devotee suddenly realizes that their relationship no longer exists. Everything revolves around Isha now. Time spent together is now spent on Isha. Disagreements and arguments follow, often ending in a split. 

• A young son/daughter starts spending a lot of time and money on Isha and gradually drifts away from their family. They want to reside at the Isha ashram for months. They may leave their jobs to dedicate fully to Isha. Family now seems insignificant to them compared to the grand mission of Isha.

These are not made-up scenarios. Many Isha volunteers are aware of such cases. I know 10+ such cases. You can find several examples of these cases on the web – e.g. here and here. 

The devotee’s perspective

From the Isha devotee’s perspective, the family is being selfish in restricting him/her. Deep in their heart, they are convinced that Isha is the path for them. Sadhguru’s practices have changed everything about their life and they are deeply grateful to him. Dedicating their life to his mission is a blessing, not an infatuation as the family sees it. They want to have the freedom to decide what is best for their life. They hope that their family understands this and respects their decision. If not, they are left with no other option than to leave their family.

You can find several stories on the web where Isha volunteers describe their struggle with their families. Here is Ananth Anto who shared his story on how his parents harassed him when he got involved in Isha. Incidentally, this story is about 2 young sisters who became Maas at Isha. Their parents complained that Isha held them as captives (but the sisters denied it). It caused a media sensation and the case went to courts. Isha won the case when the high court ruled in their favor. These examples indicate that families also have a blame to share in several of the cases.

Why do people leave everything for Isha?

Looking at these stories from both perspectives, we see that these conflicts are complex. It is difficult to pinpoint who is to blame until we examine a case thoroughly. Often, both parties have some faults. So I don’t want to generalize anything. But I want to examine a different question – what makes people leave everything for Isha?

Spiritual path has always attracted people. In India, there is a great tradition of renunciation (called Sannyas) where one leaves everything and dedicates themselves to the spiritual path. But Isha seems to have more than the typical share of people who leave everything for their Guru. I have been involved in several spiritual organizations and never saw as many serious relationship conflicts as in Isha. These conflicts are so common that we used to joke that Isha should start a dating/matrimony service for Isha volunteers! In fact, Isha unofficially encourages and facilitates devotees to marry among themselves.

Why are there so many of these cases at Isha? One explanation is just plain numbers. Isha is a massive organization with millions of followers and volunteers. So we naturally find many more people who decide to dedicate themselves fully to the organization. But this doesn’t explain why even in small centers with < 50 volunteers these conflicts happen frequently. 

Another explanation is the effectiveness of the practices. Many Isha devotees see them as “life transforming”. I understand this feeling completely but I have seen profound changes with other spiritual practices too. Isha’s Yoga and meditation offerings are definitely very good but they are not the main reason for the “Isha attraction”. 

That leaves us with Sadhguru. Is he the person who is attracting everyone? Does the same practice become more effective and fruitful because of Sadhguru? Every Isha devotee will say “Yes” to this question. It is Sadhguru’s grace and initiation that gives all the power to the practices. The practices may be effective by themselves but they become infinitely more effective in Sadhguru’s hands. In fact, this is what Sadhguru claimed too, as reported in the book “Sadhguru – More than a life” (pages 88-89):

“In many ways, what we do at Isha Yoga is unique; nowhere else on the planet is the presentation of yoga done the way it is done here. It may be the same content, but the way it is presented – the dimension and depth with which it is presented – is not being done anywhere else, as far as I know”.

So people really leave their families for Sadhguru – not for the practices and not for the organization. Practices are but blessings from Sadhguru and the organization exists just to fulfill the mission of Sadhguru. By themselves they are nothing and Sadhguru is everything!

Devotion towards the Guru and feeling grateful for the practices offered by him is common in many spiritual organizations. It takes a much more intense form at Isha due to 2 related phenomena – scarcity and urgency.

1. Scarcity – Sadhguru is no ordinary Guru. He is enlightened. He is not just enlightened, he is a mystic with great Yogic powers. He consecrated Dhyanalinga, the unfulfilled dream of many Yogis from the beginning of civilization! He is Sadhguru Shri Brahma in his past life who is revered as one of the greatest Yogis.
   
   This is Sadhguru’s version of himself which many devotees believe in. This makes Sadhguru one of the greatest mystics walking on earth. He said several times that people should make use of this opportunity and benefit from his presence.
   
2. Urgency – With such a great mystic in our midst, it would be foolish to not take advantage of him. He was supposed to leave his body after Dhyanalinga was consecrated but stayed back out of love for his devotees. But who knows, he may vanish any time and thus every minute is valuable. One must finish as many Isha programs as possible and spend as much time as possible soaking in Sadhguru’s grace! Many Isha programs are marketed as “once in a lifetime” opportunities. Sadhguru described Isha practices as a “fast track for enlightenment”. He promised several times that he will “take care” of his true devotees i.e he will ensure that they are enlightened and are not reborn.

These characteristics make Isha “cultish”. But it is a “cult” only if you do not believe in Sadhguru. For the believers, Sadhguru is God-incarnate, he is Lord Shiva himself! They deeply trust him and are truly devoted to him. This makes it easier for them to forgo everything for their Guru!

A skeptic may ask the devotees, “What is the proof for Sadhguru’s claims about himself? Why are you blindly believing him?”. The devotees laugh at such questions! You can know Sadhguru only if you are receptive to his grace, only when you set aside your logical mind and tap into your experience! This, of course, is Sadhguru’s own teaching, a message that he repeats again and again in many different ways – “Trust your experience & do not fall into the trap of thinking”. And sure enough, every practice offers a great “experience” and the experience gets more and more intense as the meditations advance. Every positive experience reinforces the belief in Sadhguru and his claims. No proof is necessary and all logic is futile because the experience is verifiably real. The validity of the practices (and by implication, the genuineness of Sadhguru) becomes self-evident from these “experiences”. Every Isha devotee feels in their gut and heart of hearts that Sadhguru is a true Guru! This feeling can be very strong and it makes it easier for people to forgo their families, careers, money and life for Sadhguru and his cause. 

Ultimately, all this helps Isha which is a volunteer driven organization. The more people who dedicate themselves to Isha full-time without any family tie-ups and other mundane concerns, the better for the organization. Many people who dedicate themselves to Isha remain unmarried and those who marry often choose to not have children (per Sadhguru’s instruction). Also Isha has no liability in this model – they did not force anyone to become full-time volunteers and so have no responsibility for their decisions. So if you find bliss, it is due to Sadhguru but if you get disillusioned later and leave him, it is your own ignorance! Heads Sadhguru wins and tails you lose! 

What can you do to protect your dear ones from Isha?

Just to be clear, many Isha volunteers lead a happy family life. Many are able to balance their passion for Isha with other things. Isha plays a healthy and positive role in their lives. So there is no need to panic just because your child or partner or spouse or friend is being active in Isha. But it is a good idea to keep an eye on them so that they don’t go too far. If you start having doubts, be open and express your concerns to them. Often you can arrive at a mutually agreed upon arrangement that fulfills all the family responsibilities and also allows their participation in Isha.

You may find yourself in the unfortunate situation where your loved ones have decided that Isha is more important to them than anything else in the world. Sometimes this can be a very genuine spiritual longing but oftentimes it is not. In any case, you cannot decide whether that longing is genuine or not. Even if it is genuine, you cannot decide whether Isha is the right path for them or not. Let them decide and let them walk the path and face the consequences, both good and bad. Offer friendly advice and try to reason with them lovingly. Don’t tell them that Isha is a cult and Sadhguru is taking them for a ride! It only back-fires and makes them more stubborn. Give them the assurance that you will love and support them, whatever they decide and you will be there for them if they comeback. This is important because people often go back to their families when they see the “reality” at the Isha ashram. Even those who stayed close to Sadhguru for many years (including prominent disciples) have left Isha.

It would be nice if Sadhguru can make a public statement that devotees need not shun their family and relationships in their pursuit of spiritual growth and “enlightenment”. But I am not aware of any such statements from him. However, there is a better teacher than Sadhguru who made such a statement. He is Lord Krishna. In the Bhagavadgita, we find Arjuna trying to escape his duty of fighting the war and wanting to renounce the world for pursuing spirituality. Krishna repeatedly tells him that he should do his duty and that is a better path of spirituality than renouncing everything. This advice is quite wise and timeless. You can remind your loved ones of Krishna’s advice. There is nothing stopping them from pursuing enlightenment with Sadhguru while staying in their relationships and performing their duties. In fact, this is the better path because life offers the perfect ground to strengthen our spiritual practice.

Conclusion

I wrote this article because over the years I have seen many relationships broken due to Isha. I heard many painful stories. Unless everyone in the family is devoted to Isha, there are bound to be conflicts. Most of these conflicts are minor in nature and a happy arrangement can be found. But serious conflicts can (and do) arise and they can be quite complicated to resolve. There are no easy solutions and the fault can be on either side (or both sides). I have tried here to explain how these things happen in the hope that it may help someone! If this article helps even one person to make the right decision, its purpose is served!